Can Friendship Bloom From A Broken Relationship?
I can't remember how many times I've been asked by friends about the possibility of having a platonic relationship with an ex-lover. In fact majority of the people I know would prefer a clean break.
But there are those who we still remember with fondness. Like someone whose got a great sense of humor, an exceptional cook who can whip up your favorite dish in an instant. Or a man who sings for you whenever you feel down and blue. So when the relationship ends should good-bye be forever or could you salvage what is left and become friends.
I'm lucky enough to have one of my ex-boyfriend as my best friend. My pillar of support during some of the toughest times in my life and someone who can knock some sense in me. But it takes a lot to reach the level we are right now.
Although we kept tabs of what is happening in each others lives, we never actually made the effort to talk in person. We all need time to find ourselves again and get over the excess baggage of that past relationship. Go meet other people and enjoy life as a single person again. Only after you are confident enough to say it's really over can you start contemplating on the possibility of having him/her back in your life.
Now are you sure you can make a go with friendship, simple no frills kind of a relationship? Or maybe you are still harboring thoughts of you getting back together again. What about getting intimate for old times sake. Do you still feel a twinge in your heart if you hear that he/she is dating someone else. Are you checking if that person is better than you and if not do you feel like a celebration is forthcoming. If you do then hold your horses and stay away. You are not being fair to yourself by pretending you are over when you are not.
For me real friendship can only flourish between ex-lovers when they've truly forgotten and forgiven each other for whatever mistakes they have committed in the past and is ready to there for each other. And lest we forget, such friendship must no hinder whatever relationships you might have now or in the future.
posted by marissa @ 12:50 PM
13 Comments:
This is tough since my 1st boyfriend is now my husband. But if we ever do go our separate ways, it'll truly be hard not to see each other and think of all that has occurred. But I think given time, it would heal all pain and you may proceed as friends.
Kim ^^
It's funny because my ex and I actually became better friends after we broke up. We didn't date very long, only about a year before we broke up so maybe that is why we can still become friends afterward. He's not from the States and was an international student when we dated in college so we knew we didn't have a future together, so finally decided to call it quit. We still keep in contact via emails and sometime we meet up when I go to Asia or if he come to Boston. I have met his new girlfriend and he has met my husband. I also know he is planning on getting married next year so everything work out great for us. ^^
We talk sometime about the old days and have great memories of each other and our time together.. but it is over with and live continues... I guess I'm lucky I still have him as a friend.
happybi
Kim, you are the 4th person I know who married their first boyfriend. True love came early lucky for you.
Happybi,
My male bestfriend and I dated for almost 4 yrs. but I'm happy that we ended up as friends. He's also from Manila but we do keep in touch through sms or phone calls.
hmm is there a possibility i will be marrying my first bf too? Well we lost contact but i know he is still single.
With building relationship with exes...i am good in building relationships with their moms! But with my exes...well we are just civil to each other.
Hmmm...can I join in the discussion? :-) I'm also in good terms with my latest ex-boyfriend (latest since I haven't had any after him and it's been two years) now though it took me a year before I had the courage to meet him again. I could say, our relationship is better compared before. We've been closer and I realized we're better off as friends rather than lovers. He's even close to my Mom now. I had to wait for two years before I finally moved on and got over him. Well, everything's going great so far.
Funny thing is, the person who helped me recover from our breakup was none other than uri Jihun. =P That's why I have so much to thank him for.
Lou :-)
I'm also in good terms with the family of my old flames which is good. Marrying your first boyfriend? I just hope he's a changed man.
Hi lou,
So happy to hear from you here. Glad to know you managed to remain as friends and that our Jihoon played a part in your healing.
Marissa: 4 year.. must be tough for the both of you when it was finally time to call it quit. Very nice that you guys remaine as friends.
Charity: You are too funny!! What's this we don't know about your frist bf??
Lou: Jihoon does wonder for all of us. ^^ Really happy to hear that you have moved on because now you can find your next target! =)
happybi
Marissa: Yeah, I consider myself very lucky. I pity my husband though since I'm talking non stop about Bi but he's immune to it by now...^^
It's great that everyone here can maintain their friendship with an ex. I find it highly possible for a man and a woman to have a platonic relationship and sometimes, can be even closer than with another woman. My best of friends are mostly male.
Kim ^^
Same here.. most of my good friends are male.. rarely are they female.. not sure why??
happybi
Your are Nice. And so is your site! Maybe you need some more pictures. Will return in the near future.
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Looks nice! Awesome content. Good job guys.
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